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Healing the Separation Within
Coming out of the spiritual closet isn’t easy, it’s one of the scariest things I’ve ever done. Actually, in scariness and intensity for me, I would rate it up there with childbirth and shark diving with a Great White in South Africa. And it is still a path I’m walking, some days I take two steps forward, others I retreat into my comfort zone. But still I persist on this path, because to not would feel like refusing to breathe, I know my body needs to breathe air just as I know my truth needs to be shared.
It wasn’t always like this. For the majority of my life, my heart and my head have been in separation. For over twenty years I have been studying and then working in the mainstream medical industry. I’ve always had a passion for science, health and helping people. The path I had chosen was a perfect fit. Or so it seemed.
There has always been another part of me, a secret part, that I kept hidden for fear of ridicule or being professionally discredited. I knew there was more to life and The Universe than the black and white science I’d been taught at school and then at university. I knew people could “read minds”, I believed in “miraculous healings”, I knew the vocabulary of tarot and horoscopes, manifesting and crystals. But I didn’t truly commit to believing. These mysteries of life, of spirituality, didn’t have any depth or substance that I could embrace.
Not only did I keep this secret for fear of what others would think of me, but I also kept this part of myself secret because I couldn’t reconcile it within myself, I didn’t like what I thought of myself for believing in something so un-scientific and non-factual. It was easier to bury this internal truth than face the discomfort of inner conflict. There was no space for the two parts of me to coexist. I was living deep in a space of fear, believing that these two belief systems were separate, my head and my heart were separate.
But the universe had other ideas, this internal truth started to feel like needing to draw breath when you’ve been underwater too long. My children were a daily reminder that there is a force to life greater than just a conglomeration of cells. Their innate wisdom and ability to speak without the filter of society perceptions showed me I was starving myself of my true life-force and joy by denying this truth. And then at work, I was seeing trends in patients that I could no longer deny. I was starting to notice a deeper, underlying pattern in things I could sense in patients with similar diagnoses. But still, I had the internal battle of reconciling how this “truth” could exist with all the years of conflicting science I’d studied. Through the Institute for Intuitive Intelligence, I delved into the world of quantum physics. Quantum physics explains the science of spirituality. There is so much scientific evidence of spirituality and a force greater than the individual conglomeration of our cells. And the amazing thing is that some of this science goes back hundreds of years. This is the science of The Universe.
Discovering this was like coming home. Finally, I felt complete! Amazingly, science got me into this inner conflict and science helped me find my way out. The science of the quantum world (as opposed to the rigid Newtonian rules eg. “what goes up must come down”) finally helped me connect the dots between what was in my head and the truth that lay within my heart.
Since then, I’ve been on the journey of surrender. Surrendering the need to know why, surrendering the need to know what’s next, surrendering the need to be in control and all the aspects of my previous inner conflict… It is still a work in progress, but no longer wasting precious time and energy on trying to understand everything and being in turmoil has created so much space for The Universe to work through me. This has allowed me to be a better wife, mother, daughter, sister, friend and certainly health professional as well as opening the door to becoming a medical intuitive.
The irony is, 20+ years ago I started my career wanting to help people, and it is only now through stepping out of the spiritual closet that I’ve been able to truly help people on the deepest possible level. Stepping out was terrifying but working through the fear was so, so worth it. I now know and love myself on a deeper level, I feel a greater sense of peace and a deeper connection to everyone and everything that I have never felt before. I wake up every single morning, excited about what opportunities lie ahead. I never want to shark dive with a Great White again but knowing what I know now, I’d come out of the spiritual closet again, a million times over.
*This article was first publishing the Spiritually Fierce magazine issue 4 2019.
Kelly has fused her background in health with her passion for the science of intuition, to guide people towards discovering the truth of their human experience.
She guides people to be unafraid in the face of illness, helping them connect to feelings of gratitude, joy and love amidst the cloud of fear and suffering.
For this is what it truly means to heal, to replace fear with love.
Dr Ricci-Jane Adams is the principal of the Institute for Intuitive Intelligence, a world-class, global professional intuition training school. She trains exceptional spiritual women as new paradigm priestesses, socially conscious leaders and profound mystics. Ricci-Jane is the author of bestselling Spiritually Fierce, as well as Intuitive Intelligence Training and the forthcoming Superconscious Intuition. Ricci-Jane has a doctorate from the University of Melbourne in magical realism. She has spent over twenty-five years devoted to her spiritual awakening and is a qualified Transpersonal Counsellor. Subscribe to the Mailing List